In a year of fallen angels
Broken hands and boys in danger
Pray the lord might pacify you
Ain't no telling what he's up to

…

Some assumptions leading us down the rabbit hole:

The key to any successful con* (term to be defined below) is the first impression.

A positive first impression requires charisma.

Charisma is only achieved by means of a hyperactive self-confidence.

Self-confidence is usually obtained through successful experience.

So the key to any successful con* (term to be defined below) is to obtain success be means of previous cons*.

Seems circular. Seems odd.

Let’s apply it.

If our identity is defined by means of our relationships with others…

i.e. Nature: your classmates know you as a peer, your parents treat you as their children, your siblings as such, etc.

i.e. Nurture: you are a band geek because you play an instrument in the band, you are an actor because you are involved in the theater department, etc.

Just because you are an actor – does not require that you be a part of the theater department, nor does your involvement in the theater department qualify you as an actor…

However – if you want others to see you as such – you need to inform them – or they need to observe it themselves…

How would anyone know you were an actor if you were not part of the theater program?

It’s more complicated when you are dealing with interpersonal relationships as opposed to cultural groups.

With interpersonal relationships – oftentimes you don’t have a say in terms of whom you are related to.

Though – in today’s non nuclear family structure – oftentimes you do have a say in terms of whom you are related to. At least – in terms of a cultural acceptance. But I digress.

…

I am waiting for the oven to pre-heat so that I can put in my pizza.

…

So… continuing on…

If the essence of your identity is rooted in the types of relationships you have with others…

Then the key to a successful identity change – i.e. the con – is to have had success in making identity changes previously.

This is where the logic breaks down.

Wouldn’t the con be less believable the more you changed – regardless of the similarities or differences between the changes?

Perhaps I need to reexamine my thoughts about Charisma. Perhaps it can exist as a by-product of extreme ego… or even an overpowering suspension of disbelief.

If that were the case – one would only need to think positively in order to make their modified first impression successful. Of course, it needs to be assumed that you are keeping up your modified self… otherwise, you are just a poser and most people can see right through that.

…

Insert Pizza

…

Thinking positively as the basis to having an accepted identity is another way of saying “I think therefore I am” and that depresses me.

Because I think that logic is circular.

I also think that the Back to the Future series – arguably one of the greatest science fiction movies ever made – is an example of circular logic.

This circular logic – this paradoxical paradigm – is inherent when thinking about relativity and existence. Usually, it seems, that awareness of the paradox is enough for most people… at least, popular culture would have you think so.

However, I am not convinced that a true paradox can exist.

Nor am I convinced that I exist – but that’s something to question my authority with – not to take as a matter of fact.

I wondered publically on Facebook: if it really was possible for Doc Brown to build a time machine out of a train using left over modified (2015 hover/fusion conversion) and rebuilt (using 1955 parts from an 1885 design) delorean time machine parts and only having access to supplies from 1885…

The best that series of movies gave me was that my future was unwritten – I could be who I wanted.

If I thought – therefore I was.

If I think positively – I will believe in myself, have charisma, have positive first impressions, and exist in an accepted modified identity (the con).

It kinda makes me wanna gag.

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Pizza's Done

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FLASHBACK - A few weeks ago

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I am sitting next to Emily on the couch. She’s doing her HW (or so she wants me to think – I see model mayhem and facebook and perezhilton open – but I will let it slide) as it’s just about finals crunch for her… and I am doing nothing but thinking.

Been doing a lot of that lately…

And as usual, when I do too much thinking – I boil over – and make changes in my life to try and modify my course towards a better life.

One is the commitment to my gym.

It’s not just fitness. It’s life.

Instead of 3 – 1-hour personal training sessions per week, I changed it to 2 – 2-hour sessions per week. Seemed like a great idea, until I actually had to go through the two-hour session. As you can imagine – I question this decision at this time – since today was the first day for the increase.

My car got broken into. I lost enough stuff to be a pain in the ass. Not to mention – the window is smashed in. I am driving it home tomorrow – which should be a windy ride – and never bringing it back.

…

A few days have passed. Actually it’s been more like a week or two. Emily just finished finals – thank goodness. So she’s now in a position to enjoy the summertime. This makes her happy, which in turn makes me happy.

The weather is getting nice once again. There’s nothing like spring in NYC. I miss shooting… but have yet to find my next big thing.

Been shooting a lot in Polaroid, ironically. Figured nows the time to either use it or lose it.

I have boxes of it left.

I only wish I had the creative energy, focus, and drive to use it properly.

If I don’t use it – it will be a self-disservice. If I screw it up – at least it didn’t die in vain.